Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Step 1 - Dating Detox

According to Patti Stanger the search begins with a clean slate and a clean colon (no joke - see page #57). Luckily I love a good detox! In fact, I may be a little addicted to detoxing. Chinese soup? Colonics? Juice fasting? Turkish bath houses?...check, check, check and check

The detox time frame is based on how long your last relationship lasted. Patti suggests 30 days if your last relationship lasted a year. But what if my last relationship is better off measured in hours or drinks? Yes, it is sad that pink eye would have lasted longer than the actual relationship - don't judge.

Who's got a calculator?

The length of my last relationship (14 hrs) ÷ Total Number of Hours in a Year (8,760 hrs) = .16% of a year.

If 1 year = 30 days detox, then .16% of a year would mean my detox should last for 1 hr and 15 minutes! Considering Sunday morning’s hangover lasted longer, for research purposes I'll go with 2 weeks.

Next step is to decide who you are looking for. By making a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a mate and all your 'deal breakers’ you narrow down the field of time-wasting suiters. Patti suggests going through your Rolodex of ex-boyfriends and identify what ‘Best Characteristics” they had in common.

Then forget it about it. Put your online dating membership on hold and walk away. No more dating or attempts at husband hunting for the remainder of the detox time period.

Detox Checklist

1. Decide who I am looking for

Must Haves: A pulse
Deal Breakers: Bad dental hygiene (TruDog called that one), over the age of 33
Ex-Boyfriends’ Best Qualities: They liked me
Physical Traits: Must be taller then me*

Conclusion: I’m seeking a living male, younger then 33 yrs of age, over 5’2” tall, who likes me.

2. Put online dating profile on hold
- Check, subscription was over anyway

3. Dates to call and cancel:

- [crickets]....[crickets]...[crickets]....


*at 5’2” I don’t think this is picky request


Anonymous said...

You can have it all! Date a guy who sells those footpads. Or healing magnets.

Yes. Healing. Magnets.

Anonymous said...

I can't say that using an online dating site is so great on the self-esteem anyway. I mean what are supposed to think when people you haven't even met are rejecting you? I think I liked is better when men just didn't like me personally, rather than my looks.
That being said, I don't think it's possible to capture my true beauty my such common methods as a camera.

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