Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Squeem's Night Out

Thanks to global warming we have had an unseasonably cool June in NYC. I was anxiously awaiting to take the Squeem out on town and last Friday it finally had its debut!

Finding just the right ensemble to show off the Squeem’s awesome powers was more of a challenge than expected. For the past oh-lets-say 26 years B.S. [Before Squeem] I had been in the market for clothes that cut away from the body, hiding all my wobbly bits. Luckily, jammed in the back of the closet was a clingy sweater dress that somehow managed to escape the great ‘Goodwill Donation’ purging spree of 2009.

Time to Squeem up! The remaining .2% of my dignity kept me from calling in roommate back-up right away. Three minutes and forty-seven seconds later I was locked and loaded! Despite cynching the Squeem on the ‘loose’ setting I found myself a little light headed. Once dressed with my high heels on, I looked it mirror and felt like I had my very own Biggest Loser Transformation Moment!

On a Squeem high, or suffering from oxygen deprivation, the cat-call from the homeless dude on the corner was feeling well deserved. When I made it to the restaurant there was a little Squeem adjustment needed but overall everything was still in place. I was relieved we were seated near the door, the occasional breeze would help combat any post-commute compression sweating.

We started with grilled asparagus topped with shaved Parmesan and balsamic vinegar along with some cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto. For dinner we indulged in soft shell crabs and a poppy seed crusted seared tuna fillet, accompanied by a some wine and sangria [so much for the the Squeem's claim that it will reduce your apatite].

On the way to the bar my mid section started to send signals it wanted to be freed. When we sat down with a round of drinks all I wanted to do was stand up! The boning was simultaneously poking inward as I felt my stomach trying to expand outward. Apparently those soft shell crabs needed some room! I was relieved to hear my friend say she was ready to call it a night, actually that was about the only thing I heard since I had spent the last 2 rounds wondering if it would be noticeable if I went to the bathroom and came out 2 sizes larger and had a girdle shoved in my purse.

If you have ever kicked off a pair of pinching high heals after an all night dance party, you only know one tenth of the sensation of relief I had when I freed myself from the Squeem.

Will I wear out on another epicurean adventure? I think not. Will I wear it out again? You betcha! But only for liquid only nights.

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