Work has been slow this month. It’s hard to make a living feeding people when everyone just started their new year’s resolution diet. I’ve been meaning to start mine but keep forgetting and pass the workless hours of my day mindlessly eating. Speaking of, did I tell you I split my pants on January 2? There were my favorite jeans! I knew they were getting worn out but thought I could squeeze another year out of them.
In hopes replacing my favorite jeans with an identical pair I went to the GAP. When I asked the tattooed sales associate for the style and size. she responded, “pshh, we haven’t carried those in years…..sor-ray.” Geesh! It wasn’t like I asked for a light acid wash pair with stirrups.
Gazing at the denim wall, I tried to decided which style would fit (and if there is a god) flatter my stalky 5’ 2” frame (I’m afraid I out grew “curvy” after Thanksgiving). I reached for the pair that was described with words like “relaxed,” “comfortable,” and “high-waisted.”
I went to into the dressing room armed with a pair the same size as my favorite jeans, a size larger (because honestly my favorite jeans were only really comfortable on the second or third wear) and the size I wish I was (sometimes you just want to cause yourself pain to make sure your heart didn’t stop after that last cheeseburger and dirty martini).
My first attempt was with a pair labeled the same size as my favorite pair. Crap! It’s never a good sign when they feel tight just going over your calves. I pulled them up and over my derrière and attempted the hop and button. Rrrrrrripp - No that did not just happen! Well, all I can say is that the quality of Gap Jeans has really gone down if they no longer withstand the simple hold-your-breath-hop-and-button technique.
Other pairs wear too big others too small. I felt like Goldie Locks but nothing was “just right” and I don’t think she broke out spin-class like sweat while sampling porridge.
So this month I’m raising a glass to the elastic waist band and long live the legging trend!